The Inner Carefree Me…

There are stories, now family folklore, that when I was a baby I would throw myself out of the crib head first, cry, get up and keep going.  Today I wonder was that version of me led by pure abandon or was it just the naïveté of innocence?

The answer is “I dunno.”

Many people continue to metaphorically jump never stopping to think about what happens next.  This ability, the simple pleasure of doing what you want without thinking about what consequences, makes me plain old jealous.

Reckless Abandon!!! Oh such a divine idea! 

Over the years, in all aspects of my life I have become a thinker, planner, CONTROL FREAK or some would say stick in the mud.  Unfortunately, I have not been able to feel the lack of inhibition necessary to simply enjoy the moment of pleasure that happens after doing something without weighing the consequences.

Why cannot I do this?!  I have asked myself countless times. Life is hard for everyone. Many have had heartache, disappointment and failure.  And many of them still move forward barrier free and enjoy carefree existence.     

In rare moments when I leap without much thought, others take credit for the event.  Most people cannot comprehend that despite what they think of the outer persona there is an inner carefree me screaming to find a way out and a live life of pure abandon.

Ok, maybe not complete abandon but less thinking and more thoughtless fun.  In me, there is a whole authentic being trying to come together to live a fulfilled, fearless, and balanced life.  The work to get there is hard but has been worth every stumble and emotion. 

Today I am aware of where I want to be. Tomorrow i'll be enjoying that balanced life.